This is Ridiculous

I am so mad right now.

So we moved cross-country recently. I've been having trouble with my blood sugars being unpredictable, probably due to a mix of physical and emotional stress that came with this move, as well as hormonal craziness due to birth control pills that I started to try to mitigate some hormonal craziness like throwing up at that time of the month.

Add in some holidays and an ice storm and depression over moving and a two-year-old who takes up almost all of my time and energy, and I don't really have time to deal with this CRAP about changing insurances and finding a new doctor when I'm not sick and blah blah blah.

So I tried to get my prescription for test strips filled. But I couldn't pick them up because first they had to call my doctor to request a refill since They think They have to monitor us to keep us healthy but all that really happens is that sometimes you can't get what you need because They decide you're not playing nice with the system.

By the time the doctor okay'd it, we were in the middle of an ice storm. Luckily, I had plenty of test strips left to last me a couple more days of ice.

Today we finally got to get out and try to get my prescription. It was waiting for me, but of course I had switched insurances so there was that whole rigamarole to go through. (Not that we wanted to switch insurances. We had Aetna, which I'd had before and it worked ok, and Ben's work switched us to BCBS, which we had in NC and was always a problem.)

Then they tell me that I can't get that many test strips per month...unless I do their mail-order form. Um...I'm out of test strips! So the nice pharmacist calls the company and asks for an exception for this month...Nope. They will give me 10 days for $60 and that's it. Um...it only costs me $20 for 30 days, so how the heck does that work out?

And obviously we don't exactly have tons of money to throw at my diabetes, so right now I'm forced to not take any and then go home and yell at the BCBS people...if they don't keep me on hold forever.

So I still don't have my test strips. And if they tell me I was supposed to mail-order, I will yell even louder. This is ridiculous. It's not my fault that I need more test strips than they think is allowable to keep on top of my diabetes. It's not my fault that I don't have a new doctor, either, since I'm not sick but I AM the one who has to live with diabetes, and why the HECK does it make sense for them to control what medications I can't have that have to do with my diabetes, and why do they think it's a good idea to withhold medicines when if I don't get them I can promise you that my blood sugars will not be within range, since I can't tell what the heck they are?

Where do people get the energy to deal with this crap? I'm too tired and depressed from my move to do much besides daily maintenance--feed and take care of myself and my family and try not to have an apoplexy when something in my daily plans goes this awry.

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Thanks. I feel marginally better. Now off to wait for a customer service rep. Gag me.

Thanks for the support

I need it right now. I'm sick with a common cold and I just hate that feeling of the virus strengthening in your system, getting its grip on you. Ugh. Plus of course my blood sugars are crazy high and crazy low and sooooo hard to predict.

At least my stress levels are down now that I'm finally getting adjusted to the move. Of course, that may well be why I finally succumbed to the illness--that whole theory of getting sick once you finally let down your defenses--but I feel much better with a runny nose than I did with a strained psyche.

Here's to hot tea and early bedtime!

Dia-beat

So here I am, a year and a little bit after I first started this blog, and I barely ever post and I often forget to check in with the d-bloggers I love best.

It's just so disheartening. I really felt so much optimism about connecting with people with diabetes. And I was SO close to getting a pump in NC, and then we had to go and move across the country--and suddenly--and that put me into such a tailspin that I have a feeling I MIGHT be able to START trying again in the new year. Maybe.

I'm just worn out and sad right now, just starting to really feel my sorrow about moving, and my blood sugars have been crazy and wild and unpredictable and STRESS!!!!!!!!!! is making everything worse, along with other things like exhaustion and medications I'd rather not be on but I need them so I don't get really sick.

Anyway. I'm still chugging along with the D, as always, and just wanted to say hi and sorry for being a lousy d-blogger and I know I'm always down on myself in this blog but maybe that helps me a little bit so thanks for reading about it. Anyone have any ideas on how to deal with blood sugars that dip and soar like crazy because of stress? I know the answer is manage your stress but seriously, sometimes you can only do so much.

Happy December, everybody. Can't believe it's almost Christmas already.

Pump Update

Just in case anyone's reading this and wondering if I ever got a pump, the answer is, not quite yet. But I am incredibly close--I just have to get through a move across the country this week, and then find a new doctor as soon as we get settled, and I'll get a pump, which, incidentally, will be FREE with my husband's new insurance.

Woo-hoo! I cannot even say how excited I am. Pump, here I come!

The Pump: tell me all you know

I talked with a Medtronic Man today. I really really want to go on a pump. Does anyone know of any good sites for comparing different types of pumps and where to start with making these kinds of decisions?
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I've been absent from this blog for a long time, I know. What can I say? My summer was incredibly hectic and I've also been plagued by a lack of Internet access due to a series of technological difficulties. But of course, I also have my own motivations holding me back. It is so tough to engage with my diabetes on an emotional level. Most days I just have to take care of the minutiae and don't have any room left over for pondering the long-term effects of this disease, or how to change up my routine and make improvements, etc. But I am willing to make a HUGE effort to make a pump work because so many of the problems I have may be eliminated by it--fatigue from frequent lows, overweight and nausea because of eating necessitated by said frequent lows, hormonal swings that are probably strongly tied to the extra weight which comes from the lows, an inability to normally enjoy meals because of this whole issue where I'm either starving or nauseous and unable to think about eating, and did I mention the exhaustion?

Anyway. I'm around. I'm thinking about things. I just have very little time/energy/emotional space to devote to this whole thing. I'm trying. Sorry for not being around.

Even Weirder

Sometimes I feel like my blood sugar is low, and I test, and it's like 120. Then an hour later it drops suddenly to 45. Or I feel high, test, and it's 97, then an hour later it's 184. I guess that could be a relic of the fact that you're not always getting a reading that reflects what your blood sugar is right at that very moment.

But what's this? Today I have felt high ALL DAY LONG. And my meter has consistently said that my blood sugar was in the 90s, with two exceptions--once it was 116 and once it was 57. I did feel low when I was 57, but I also had some residual "highness" feelings. So what's going on? I've ruled out dehydration, which is usually the culprit if I feel a little high and I'm not. But I have that yucky heavy legs feeling I get when I'm high. I have to pee every five minutes but that's a result of making sure I'm hydrated, probably. I have a funny taste in my mouth. I just don't feel right.

All. Day. Long.

Ugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Update on my b.s. swings

...because that's what they feel like. B.S. swings. It took about three days for my blood sugar to sort of even out. Still don't know what that's about but my guess is just some hormonal difference that we haven't figured out yet. Hopefully it won't be like this every month. So here's to learning from the past for a better future.

Gotta go, time for burritos! As James would say, mmmmmmmmmm beans!